I Wonder

I wonder what Death tastes like.

Is She sweet, or, watery?

I want to lie still

Still

In unshatterable silence

I want to sprawl underneath a sea of Blackness,

To taste Her cold tongue in my mouth

 

I wonder what it is like to not feel

Anything

Neither happiness nor despair

What is it like to not ‘be’?

 

No sun to kiss my cheeks

No wind to whisper in my ear

What is it like to not ‘be’?

 

I yearn for the Blackness that has never known light

The Noiselessness

What is she like?

 

No bones, no, skin, no breath

I wonder

New Poem: Erasure

Amy said it best Love is a Losing Game

So, for now, I’d rather not play.

From now on, I will no longer open my legs to let you in

I refuse to let you in.

My lips will remain sealed

I am no longer waiting for True Love’s Kiss

Let me

Sit in my silence for a hot minute

Whilst I erase your scent from my memory

Like an etch-a-sketch, I’ll wipe the slate clean

I want to forget you like schoolkids forget Medieval poetry

I want to tip my skin upside down, inside out

So that not even a single crumb of you is left inside me

Every night, I baptise myself in these tears

In the hope that every imprint, every trace of you will wash away

Wash away like the waters of the Dunn washes the sins of the Rasta Men who bathe in her

 

Like the raindrops that fall on barren land,

I, too, have learnt to to let go.

New Poem: The Abyss

I woke up in the abyss

Hades, the Valley of Baca, the abode of the dead, the Underworld.

Melancholy took possession of me

I lay, tightly wrapped in a shawl of misanthropy

 

Then, I felt nothing

Neither agony nor grief

Stone cold.

I slit open my chest and ripped the beating thing out of me;

I looked down at my bare breasts and watched the blood drip out of the wound

Still, I felt nothing

My mangled limbs relaxed in death, and refused to move

I stretched my body in the soil and tore out my hair

Rolling, grovelling

I married the Earth;

Peeled off my skin and offered it to Her

I returned to clay, and found sweet, sweet, slumber

 

And later,

 

With my trembling limbs

I wandered barefoot across the plains

Went to all the dark places

And found solace in the chaos

I placed a crown of thorns on my hairless head

And pressed

Deep, deeper and deeper still

I played with the souls of the deceased

Sung songs with the ghosts of the Lost Ones

I roamed the ruins and found Shelley,  Byron, Poe

 

Dead, and, alone

I no longer feared

No longer yearned for the rays of the Sun

Wretched of the Earth

Queen of the Damned

I had become

 

The Creature

The miserable one

I become one with the Darkness

And together,

We reigned

#QTPOCCHAT Tomorrow with @WritersofColour

Hello Tweeps, join me tomorrow evening  for the first #QTPOCCHAT of the year with Media Diversified. I’ll be leading the discussion on #LeelahAlcorn & #TransLivesMatter. These chats provide a safe space for for QTPOCs (Queer Trans People of Colour) to share & air their views; it is also a great learning space & resource space for non-QTPOCS. All are welcome to join the chat. Please share with your networks and join the convo!

Click here for links to previous chats.

Time: 7:30pm UK time (GMT/BST

Twitter handle: @WritersofColour

Topics: The suicide of 17yr old Leelah Alcorn;  the public & media’s reactions, reconciling our faiths/families/relationships etc with our sexual identities & gender expressions

Hashtags: #QTPOCCHAT #TQPOCCHAT

 

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